What a Politician Thinks About Apart from Self-Enrichment

THE recently released book by Professor Sheridan Simove titled “What Every Man Thinks About Apart from Sex” has a lot to offer to serious thinking academicians—and, generally speaking, everyone else. The book, a 200-paged blank one, asserts that there is nothing else a man thinks about apart from sex; hence the blank pages.

Inspired by Simove’s 39-years old research findings, the author got fired up and went back in history analyzing events about politicians and came to the astounding conclusion that seems, in all arrangements, to be nothing but common knowledge.

Cases of politicians’ predisposition towards self-enrichment in Malawi and beyond are as just rampant as the many cries in Malawi due to hard economic times—thanks to devaluation and Kwacha floatation. 

One such case is that of former Vice President Dr. Cassim Chiumpha. Here was an ex-VP who enjoyed all that associated with the ‘ex-VPship’.  One would look for answers as to why Dr. Cassim Chilumpha forwent the esteemed vice-presidency position only to accept a ministerial post—a position so unsafe as a fenceless mansion. It may be argued here, righty so for that matter, that it is perhaps this scenario that demystifies the topic at hand: “What a politician thinks about apart from self-enrichment”.

Today, almost all politicians operate on the go-where-grass- is-greenest thinking. Getting oneself into contact with this philosophy guiding politicians’ life should therefore give a firsthand hint about politicians’ probable next move.  

Have you wondered why, since politics became the hottest money-spinning adventure, it is the very same persons who migrate from one government to another. Essentially, it is not that these people are most intelligent or at best technocrats, no! These are people without any conceivable national development agenda but a personal one, vehemently pursuing it at all costs.

That is why the migration of the Blue camp to the Orange camp is no surprise to those in the know, politically speaking. It is for this reason that it would be  almost normal hearing of the Orange camp migrating to the Red,  Yellow, or Blue camp depending which camp carries the day come 2014 Presidential and Parliamentary Elections (PPE).

Expectedly, Kennedy Makwangwala had to move, so was Goodall Gondwe, Ken Zikhale Nag’oma, Uladi Mussa, earning such nickname as “Change Golo”, and all other party-prostituting politicians you know. It will therefore be politics as usual hearing of Patricia Kaliati, Kamuzu Chibambo, Chris Daza, Mark Katsonga and what have you all dumping their respective parties for another party pursuant of the self-enrichment thinking sweetly dubbed “go-where-grass-is-greenest” thinking.

Whoever the framers of the Malawi constitution were, the people were just geniuses. Knowing very well of this democratically-crazy, development-unfriendly philosophy, the framers thought it wise that there has to be stop to this, hence Section 65 as read together with Section 64. 

But alas! Knowing Section 64 to be a ‘hindrance’, some self-serving politicians repealed it leaving Section 65 a seating duck. And now, sadly, Section 65 has become a constitutional punchbag—getting itself tossed right, left, and center depending on what the government of the day and not the constitution sees right.

It is perhaps a tradition that every politician, as is true of life in general, has to offer reason(s) that appeals to the masses as to why s/he has made such and such a move or decision. When it comes to this the reasons range from the usual “I want to help the current government in development” to as uncommon as “My party is missing the point in criticizing the present government” and all the shaggy-dog-bull stories in between.

Therefore, politicians would go to every unimaginable length to look clean, sympathetic, patriotic, development-friendly, and logically sound when it comes to hiding and defending their self-enrichment. They would readily deny never having intentions of self-enrichment otherwise they would miss the money train, and would thus sugar-coat their maneuvers to give the false impression of a proactive politician.

In resting my case it be argued here that whatever it is the politicians say or do, one thing is obvious; they want 100-fold returns. Given the forgoing, this author argues, with no apologies or regrets, that there is NOTHING that a politician thinks about apart from self-enrichment. Yes! Whenever a politician makes his/her political moves and/or decisions, s/he thinks about one and only one thing—self-enrichment.